Candide | Page 2

away, and,
as soon as she came to herself, the Baroness boxed her ears. Thus a
general consternation was spread over this most magnificent and most
agreeable of all possible castles.

CHAPTER 2
What Befell Candide among the Bulgarians
Candide, thus driven out of this terrestrial paradise, rambled a long
time without knowing where he went; sometimes he raised his eyes, all
bedewed with tears, towards heaven, and sometimes he cast a
melancholy look towards the magnificent castle, where dwelt the fairest
of young baronesses. He laid himself down to sleep in a furrow,
heartbroken, and supperless. The snow fell in great flakes, and, in the
morning when he awoke, he was almost frozen to death; however, he
made shift to crawl to the next town, which was called
Wald-berghoff-trarbkdikdorff, without a penny in his pocket, and half
dead with hunger and fatigue. He took up his stand at the door of an inn.
He had not been long there before two men dressed in blue fixed their
eyes steadfastly upon him.
"Faith, comrade," said one of them to the other, "yonder is a well made
young fellow and of the right size." Upon which they made up to
Candide and with the greatest civility and politeness invited him to dine

with them.
"Gentlemen," replied Candide, with a most engaging modesty, you do
me much honor, but upon my word I have no money."
"Money, sir!" said one of the blues to him, "young persons of your
appearance and merit never pay anything; why, are not you five feet
five inches high?"
"Yes, gentlemen, that is really my size," replied he, with a low bow.
"Come then, sir, sit down along with us; we will not only pay your
reckoning, but will never suffer such a clever young fellow as you to
want money. Men were born to assist one another."
"You are perfectly right, gentlemen," said Candide, "this is precisely
the doctrine of Master Pangloss; and I am convinced that everything is
for the best."
His generous companions next entreated him to accept of a few crowns,
which he readily complied with, at the same time offering them his
note for the payment, which they refused, and sat down to table.
"Have you not a great affection for-"
"O yes! I have a great affection for the lovely Miss Cunegund."
"Maybe so," replied one of the blues, "but that is not the question! We
ask you whether you have not a great affection for the King of the
Bulgarians?"
"For the King of the Bulgarians?" said Candide. "Oh, Lord! not at all,
why I never saw him in my life."
"Is it possible? Oh, he is a most charming king! Come, we must drink
his health."
"With all my heart, gentlemen," said Candide, and off he tossed his
glass.

"Bravo!" cried the blues; "you are now the support, the defender, the
hero of the Bulgarians; your fortune is made; you are in the high road
to glory."
So saying, they handcuffed him, and carried him away to the regiment.
There he was made to wheel about to the right, to the left, to draw his
rammer, to return his rammer, to present, to fire, to march, and they
gave him thirty blows with a cane; the next day he performed his
exercise a little better, and they gave him but twenty; the day following
he came off with ten, and was looked upon as a young fellow of
surprising genius by all his comrades.
Candide was struck with amazement, and could not for the soul of him
conceive how he came to be a hero. One fine spring morning, he took it
into his head to take a walk, and he marched straight forward,
conceiving it to be a privilege of the human species, as well as of the
brute creation, to make use of their legs how and when they pleased. He
had not gone above two leagues when he was overtaken by four other
heroes, six feet high, who bound him neck and heels, and carried him to
a dungeon. A courtmartial sat upon him, and he was asked which he
liked better, to run the gauntlet six and thirty times through the whole
regiment, or to have his brains blown out with a dozen musket-balls?
In vain did he remonstrate to them that the human will is free, and that
he chose neither; they obliged him to make a choice, and he determined,
in virtue of that divine gift called free will, to run the gauntlet six and
thirty times.
He had gone through his discipline twice, and the regiment being
composed of 2,000 men, they composed for him exactly 4,000 strokes,
which laid bare all his muscles and nerves from the nape of his neck to