Body Language Basics | Page 3

to establish. In some cases, the need to put
on a mask is so deep that it imposes itself automatically and it is impossible to let go
of it, but if the person is determined to grow, develop, and enter into significant
relationships, he will have to start discarding his masks. As the years pass, the
masks we use become more difficult to wear. An old man tends to forget about
himself and his face relaxes.

A smile is not merely an expression of humor or pleasure, but it can also signify
justification, defense, and even an excuse. When the smile is forced, it becomes a
mask to hide feelings.


Postures and positions

There is no word as clear as body language,
once one has learned to read it.

Psychological attitudes are said to affect the posture and the functioning of the body,
in such a way that neurotic problems also become apparent in the body’s structure
and function. If body language reveals an individual’s state of mind, personality and
ability to establish contact with others, it should be possible for the individual to

5 change by modifying his body language. The important thing is to understand the
message he is trying to transmit and what he is really saying with the different parts of
his body.

A person who knows about body language and how to use it has learned to master
the most important postures and can associate them with emotional states. Such a
person will be more perceptive when dealing with others. It is an art that can be
taught, since it depends on careful observation, but it is only learned if one is aware
that it exists.

Remember that:

• A round-shouldered person cannot have the strong ego of a person who
keeps his back straight; on the other hand, a straight-backed person will be
less flexible.

• Hunched shoulders mean contained annoyance; raised shoulders are
associated with fear; wide, straight shoulders denote assuming
responsibilities; drooping shoulders have the connotation of carrying a heavy
burden.

Movements of the head, eyelids, and hands do not represent different postures but
they are called points. A sequence of several points is qualified as a position, which
involves at least half of the body and can last almost five minutes.

Bear in mind that:

• When holding a conversation, people use certain head movements to indicate
that they have come to the end of a sentence and are waiting for the other
person’s answer.

• When talking, men and women normally look right and left, up and down; they
blink; they raise their eyebrows; bite their lips; touch their nose. Each
movement is linked to what they are saying. Just as lowering the head
indicates the end of a statement or raising the head the end of a question,
major modifications in posture indicate ending points in interpretations.

Posture is not only a means of punctuating conversation, it is also the way in which
people relate to each other when they are together. Three types of postures are
distinguished:

• inclusive or non inclusive
• face-to-face or parallel
• congruent or incongruent.

6 Inclusive or non inclusive

Inclusivity or non-inclusivity refers to the way in which the members of a group
include people or fail to include them. They do it by positioning their bodies, arms, or
legs in a certain way. The arms and legs of the members of the group are
unconsciously used to protect the group from intrusion.

Face-to-face or parallel

The second category assumes that two persons can relate with each other in terms
of posture, face-to-face, sitting beside each, other or maybe facing toward a third
person. The face-to-face position is usual in a teacher-student relationship or a
doctor-patient relationship where emotions or information are being transmitted.
Parallel positions occur, for example, among two or more students listening to a
teacher. Parallel arrangements, when freely adopted, indicate that those persons are
probably in a neutral situation, at least at that moment.

The way a couple position themselves in a social gathering also says a great deal
about their relationship.

Congruent or incongruent

This category refers to the ability of the members of a group to imitate each other.
When a group is in congruence, the positions of their bodies mimic each other, in
some cases like mirror images.

Interestingly, when one member of a congruent group changes his position, everyone
does so with him. The congruence of position of a group usually