Biltmore Oswald | Page 2

breathed a worthy in my ear as he
retreated to his proper place.
"What did you do at Bar Harbor?" asked the officer, fixing me with his
gaze.
"Oh," I replied easily, "I occasionally yachted."
"On what kind of a boat?" he urged.
"Now for the life of me, sir, I can't quite recall," I replied. "It was a
splendid boat though, a perfect beauty, handsomely fitted up and all--I
think they called her the 'Black Wing.'"
These few little remarks seemed to leave the officer flat. He regarded
me with a pitiful expression. There was pain in his eyes.
"You mean to say," he whispered, "that you don't know what kind of a
boat it was?"

"Unfortunately no, sir," I replied, feeling really sorry for the wounded
man.
"Do you recall what was the nature of your activities aboard this
mysterious craft?" he continued.
"Oh, indeed I do, sir," I replied. "I tended the jib-sheet."
"Ah," said he thoughtfully, "sort of specialized on the jib-sheet?"
"That's it, sir," said I, feeling things taking a turn for the better. "I
specialized on the jib-sheet."
"What did you do to this jib-sheet?" he continued.
"I clewed it," said I promptly, dimly recalling the impassioned
instructions an enthusiastic friend of mine had shunted at me
throughout the course of one long, hot, horrible, confused afternoon of
the past summer--my first, and, as I had hoped at the time, final sailing
experience.
The officer seemed to be lost in reflection. He was probably weighing
my last answer. Then with a heavy sigh he took my paper and wrote
something mysterious upon it.
"I'm going to make an experiment of you," he said, holding the paper to
me. "You are going to be a sort of a test case. You're the worst
applicant I have ever had. If the Navy can make a sailor out of you it
can make a sailor out of anybody"; he paused for a moment, then added
emphatically, "without exception."
"Thank you, sir," I replied humbly.
"Report here Monday for physical examination," he continued, waving
my thanks aside. "And now go away."
[Illustration: "'DO YOU ENLIST FOR FOREIGN SERVICE?' HE
SNAPPED. 'SURE,' I REPLIED, 'IT WILL ALL BE FOREIGN TO
ME'"]

I accordingly went, but as I did so I fancied I caught the reflection of a
smile lurking guiltily under his mustache. It was the sort of a smile, I
imagined at the time, that might flicker across the grim visage of a lion
in the act of anticipating an approaching trip to a prosperous native
village.
Feb. 25th. I never fully appreciated what a truly democratic nation the
United States was until I beheld it naked, that is, until I beheld a
number of her sons in that condition. Nakedness is the most democratic
of all institutions. Knock-knees, warts and chilblains, bowlegs, boils
and bay-windows are respecters of no caste or creed, but visit us all
alike. These profound reflections came to me as I stood with a large
gathering of my fellow creatures in the offices of the physical
examiner.
"Never have I seen a more unpromising candidate in all my past
experience," said the doctor moodily when I presented myself before
him, and thereupon he proceeded to punch me in the ribs with a vigor
that seemed to be more personal than professional. When thoroughly
exhausted from this he gave up and led me to the eye charts, which I
read with infinite ease through long practise in following the World
Series in front of newspaper buildings.
"Eyes all right," he said in a disappointed voice. "It must be your feet."
These proved to be faultless, as were my ears and teeth.
"You baffle me," said the doctor at last, thoroughly discouraged.
"Apparently you are sound all over, yet, looking at you, I fail to see
how it is possible."
I wondered vaguely if he was paid by the rejection. Then for no
particular reason he suddenly tired of me and left me with all my
golden youth and glory standing unnoticed in a corner. From here I
observed an applicant being put through his ear test. This game is
played as follows: a hospital apprentice thrusts one finger into the
victim's ear while the doctor hurries down to the end of the room and
whispers tragically words that the applicant must repeat. It's a good

game, but this fellow I was watching evidently didn't know the rules
and he was taking no chances.
"Now repeat what I say," said the doctor.
"'Now repeat what I say,'" quoted the recruit.
"No, no, not now," cried the doctor. "Wait till I whisper."
"'No, no, not now. Wait till I whisper,'" answered the recruit, faithfully
accurate.
"Wait till I whisper, you blockhead," shouted the doctor.
"'Wait till I whisper, you