Any Coincidence Is | Page 2

'X,' flipped to the front of the pile, and looked back at the
boy. He had stopped scratching his scalp and pushing his
strawberry-blond hair even more out of place, leaving his subject's
hands motionless and his eyes fixed on the table top. Good, he thought;
at least he won't make himself bleed with all that scratching. The man
adjusted his glasses, which didn't help, as his vision impairment was
due to the dim lighting. The singular bulb, being pathetic twice over (as
it was: A) the only one in the room, and B) thirty watts too dim), hung

from a cord-a more melodramatic touch than he would have employed
himself, but from a practical point of view there wasn't much to see
even in a well lit concrete bunker. A painting or two would clear up the
problem nicely, although it would take away from the point of the room:
interrogation. Interrogation rooms were not meant to be pleasant. So,
perhaps, they would only fill the room with Dali's? The man chuckled
and coughed to cover his lack of composure. Dali, indeed. Or Miro.
More camouflaged coughing. But the boy, still maintaining his
vegetable act, didn't seem to notice. So, the lab man adjusted his collar
and steeled himself for the next grim encounter with the unkempt.
"My name is..." he offered. The boy's silent motif continued. He
discouraged a sigh that was building inside him. The boy was
obviously frightened and knew nothing. How could he, the man
thought. I'm junior vice-president, and I have to keep asking Forrester
what to do next. Although no one ever called him by that title, or even
his name anymore. Just because he had unpacked the first shipment of
lab coats and arranged them according to size, he had been dubbed the
Lab Coat Man. And now, weeks later, the joke dead and buried, the
name had stuck. Was this the brave new world they were heading to?
The Lab Coat Man sighed. What could he do but persevere? The
questionnaire had to be completed. And if the boy was ever going to be
recruited, he'd have to be a lot more forthcoming.
"My name is..." he prompted.
The boy resumed the scratching under this first knuckle of his left
hand.
"Well, what's in a name, eh? Ha ha ha!" The subtle wit of a well
executed quote amused the man, but generated no response from the
boy. Discouraged, he dutifully noted this on a blue sheet, adding
another 'X.'
This could go on forever...

2. What there's no accounting for "If that's the best you can do, then
your best sucks!" - Jodi Foster, The Accused
"Because all of you of Earth are idiots!" shouted Tom, wearily wiping
the glass counter, removing coconut oil from the reflections of
overpriced candy bars. Inside the theater the movie echoed him:
"Because all of you of Earth are idiots!"

Tom sighed, not for the first time that evening. The Manager, who paid
in cash every Sunday, had decided to take advantage of the bizarre
tastes of his Generation X clients and offer an Ed Wood film festival.
Bride of the Monster, Plan 9 From Outer Space, and Night of the
Ghouls ran on the second, smaller screen on Friday, Saturday, and
Sunday, two bucks a head. The Manager was making a killing.
Tom, who needed the job in order to move out of his parents' trailer
home, found little about the Ed Wood canon amusing, although it was
light-years beyond anything by Coleman Francis. Even so, Tom had
been forced to hear the dialog of each film, on Friday, Saturday, and
Sunday... He only had to watch them once, having filled in for the
Manager's weasel-featured nephew/projectionist Neoldner, who had
called in sick to buy grass in Beloit. But he would have been able to
forget the experience had it not been for the penetrating soundtrack
which bled into the lobby.
The ordeal, for tonight, was almost over - the concession stand closed
after Plan 9. He hoped he had sold enough to keep his job - there was
the worry that the Manager would increase his profit margin by
manning the concession stand himself. But the Manager strolled out of
the second theater with a broad grin, revealing his cutting overbite.
"I don't know why," the Manager exclaimed, "but they love it!"
"Most of them are from the 'Ed 9 Film Society,'" Tom replied. "By the
way, I need to restock the chocolates."
"I brought a box up already - it's by the stairs. And once you're done
with that and the normal clean-up routine, you can go home early!"
"A whole five minutes?" Tom muttered, almost inaudibly. "Whatever
shall I do with my time?"
The Manager swung his hands apart and then