Ades Fables

Ade's Fables, by George Ade

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Title: Ade's Fables
Author: George Ade
Release Date: November 14, 2006 [EBook #19813]
Language: English
Character set encoding: ASCII
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FABLES ***

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ADE'S FABLES BY GEORGE ADE
BY THE SAME AUTHOR The College Widow, In Pastures New,
Knocking the Neighbors, Fables in Slang
Illustrated by John T. McCutcheon

GARDEN CITY NEW YORK DOUBLEDAY, PAGE & COMPANY
1914
Copyright, 1912, 1913, by COSMOPOLITAN MAGAZINE
Copyright, 1914, by DOUBLEDAY, PAGE & CO.
All rights reserved, including that of translation into foreign languages,
including the Scandinavian.
CONTENTS The New Fable of the Private Agitator and What He
Cooked Up The New Fable of the Speedy Sprite The New Fable of the
Intermittent Fusser The New Fable of the Search for Climate The New
Fable of the Father Who Jumped In The New Fable of the Uplifter and
His Dandy Little Opus The New Fable of the Wandering Boy and the
Wayward Parent The New Fable of What Transpires After the Wind-up
The Dream That Came Out with Much to Boot The New Fable of the
Toilsome Ascent and the Shining Table-Land The New Fable of the
Aerial Performer, the Buzzing Blondine, and the Daughter of Mr.
Jackson The New Fable of Susan and the Daughter and the
Granddaughter, and then Something Really Grand The New Fable of
the Scoffer Who Fell Hard and the Woman Sitting By The New Fable
of the Lonesome Camp on the Frozen Heights The New Fable of the
Marathon in the Mud and the Laurel Wreath
ILLUSTRATIONS [omitted]
ADE'S FABLES
THE NEW FABLE OF THE PRIVATE AGITATOR AND WHAT HE
COOKED UP
Ambition came, with Sterling Silver Breast-Plate and Flaming Sword,
and sat beside a Tad aged 5. The wee Hopeful lived in a Frame House
with Box Pillars in front and Hollyhocks leading down toward the Pike.
"Whither shall I guide you?" asked Ambition. "Are you far enough
from the Shell to have any definite Hankering?"

"I have spent many Hours brooding over the possibilities of the
Future," replied the Larva. "I want to grow up to be a Joey in a Circus. I
fairly ache to sit in a Red Wagon just behind the Band and drive a
Trick Mule with little pieces of Looking Glass in the Harness. I want to
pull Mugs at all the scared Country Girls peeking out of the Wagon
Beds. The Town Boys will leave the Elephant and trail behind my
comical Chariot. In my Hour of Triumph the Air will be impregnated
with Calliope Music and the Smell of Pop-Corn, modified by Wild
Animals."
Ambition went out to make the proper Bookings with Destiny. When
he came back the Boy was ten years old.
"We started wrong," whispered Ambition, curling up in the cool grass
near the Day-Dreamer. "The Trick Mule and the Red Cart are all very
well for little Fraidy-Cats and Softies, but a brave Youth of High Spirit
should tread the Deck of his own Ship with a Cutlass under his Red
Sash. Aye, that is Blood gauming up the Scuppers, but is the Captain
chicken-hearted? Up with the Black Flag! Let it be give and take, with
Pieces of Eight for the Victor!"
So it was settled that the Lad was to hurry through the Graded Schools
and then get at his Buccaneering.
But Ambition came back with a revised Program. "You are now Fifteen
Years of Age," said the Wonderful Guide with the glittering Suit. "It is
High Time that you planned a Noble Career, following a Straight
Course from which there shall be no Deviation. The Pirate is a mere
swaggering Bravo and almost Unscrupulous at times. Why not be a
great Military Commander? The Procedure is Simple. Your Father
gives the Finger to the Congressman and then you step off the Boat at
West Point. Next thing you know, you are wearing a Nobby Uniform
right out on the Parade Ground, while bevies of Debutantes from New
York City and other Points admire you for the stern Profile and
Military Set-Up. After that you will subdue many Savage Tribes, and
then you will march up Pennsylvania Avenue at the head of the whole
Regular Army, and the President of the United States will be waiting
on the Front Porch of the White House to present you with a jewelled

Sword on behalf of a Grateful Nation."
"You are right," said the