A Defective Santa Claus

James Whitcomb Riley
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Title: A Defective Santa Claus
Author: James Whitcomb Riley
Illustrator: C. M. Relyea and Will Vawter
Release Date: December 25, 2006 [EBook #20181]
Language: English
Character set encoding: ASCII
0. START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK A
DEFECTIVE SANTA CLAUS ***
Produced by Juliet Sutherland, David Garcia and the Online

Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net
[Illustration]
A Defective Santa Claus
[Illustration]
A Defective Santa Claus
JAMES WHITCOMB RILEY
_With Pictures by_

C. M. RELYEA
_and_
WILL VAWTER
INDIANAPOLIS
THE BOBBS-MERRILL COMPANY

PUBLISHERS
Copyright 1904
James Whitcomb Riley

December
PRESS OF
BRAUNWORTH & CO.
BOOKBINDERS AND
PRINTERS
BROOKLYN, N. Y.
_DEDICATION_
_To_
HEWITT HANSON HOWLAND
WITH HALEST CHRISTMAS GREETINGS
AND
FRATERNAL
_Little Boy! Halloo!--halloo!
Can't you hear me calling you?--

Little Boy that used to be,
Come in here and play with me._
A Defective Santa Claus
[Illustration]
A Defective Santa Claus
Allus when our Pa he's away
Nen Uncle Sidney comes to stay
At
our house here--so Ma an' me
An' Etty an' Lee-Bob won't be
Afeard

ef anything at night
Might happen--like Ma says it might.
(Ef _Trip_ wuz _big_, I bet you he
'Uz best watch-dog you ever see!)

An' so last winter--ist before
It's go' be Chris'mus-Day,--w'y, shore

Enough, Pa had to haf to go
To 'tend a lawsuit--"An' the snow
Ist
right fer Santy Claus!" Pa said,
As he clumb in old Ayersuz' sled,

An' said he's sorry _he_ can't be
With us that night--"'Cause,"
he-says-ee,
"Old Santy _might_ be comin' here--
This very night of
all the year
[Illustration]
[Illustration]
_I'_ got to be away!--so all
You kids must tell him--ef he call--
He's
mighty welcome, an' yer Pa
He left his love with you an' Ma
An' Uncle Sid!" An' clucked, an' leant
Back, laughin'--an' away they
went!
An' Uncle wave' his hands an' yells
"Yer old horse ort to have
on bells!"
But Pa yell back an' laugh an' say
"I 'spect when _Santy_
come this way
It's time enough fer sleighbells nen!"
An' holler back
"Good-by!" again,
An' reach out with the driver's whip
An' cut
behind an' drive back Trip.
An' so all day it snowed an' snowed!
An' Lee-Bob he ist watched the
road,
[Illustration]
[Illustration]
In his high-chair; an' Etty she
U'd play with Uncle Sid an' me--
Like
she wuz he'ppin' fetch in wood
An' keepin' old fire goin' good,
Where Ma she wuz a-cookin' there
An' kitchen, too, an' ever'where!

An' Uncle say, "'At's ist the way
Yer Ma's b'en workin', night an'

day,
Sence she hain't big as Etty is
Er Lee-Bob in that chair o' his!"

Nen Ma she'd laugh 't what Uncle said,
An' smack an' smoove his
old bald head
An' say "Clear out the way till I
Can keep that pot
from b'ilin' dry!"
Nen Uncle, when she's gone back to
The kitchen,
says, "We _ust_ to do
[Illustration]
[Illustration]
Some cookin' in the _ashes_.--_Say_,
S'posin' we try some,
thataway!"
An' nen he send us to tell Ma
Send two big 'taters in he
saw
Pa's b'en a-keepin' 'cause they got
The premiun at the Fair. An' what

You think?--He rake a grea'-big hole
In the hot ashes, an' he roll

Them old big 'taters in the place
An' rake the coals back--an' his face

Ist swettin' so's he purt'-nigh swear
'Cause it's so hot! An' when
they're there
'Bout time 'at we fergit 'em, he
Ist rake 'em out
again--an' _gee_!--
He bu'st 'em with his fist wite on
A' old
stove-led, while Etty's gone
[Illustration]
[Illustration]
To git the salt, an' butter, too--
Ist like he said she haf to do,
No
matter what _Ma_ say! An' so
He salt an' butter 'em, an' blow
'Em cool enough fer us to eat--
An' _me_-o-_my_! they're hard to
beat!
An' Trip 'ud ist lay there an' pant
Like he'd laugh _out loud_,
but he can't.
Nen Uncle fill his pipe--an' we
'Ud he'p him light
it--Sis an' me,--
But mostly little Lee-Bob, 'cause
"He's the best
_Lighter_ ever wuz!"
Like Uncle telled him wunst when LeeBob

cried an' jerked the light from me,
He wuz so mad! So Uncle pat

An' pet him. (Lee-Bob's ust to that--

[Illustration]
[Illustration]
'Cause he's the _little_-est, you know,
An' allus has b'en humored so!)

Nen Uncle gits the flat-arn out,
An', while he's tellin' us all 'bout
Old Chris'mus-times when _he's_ a kid,
He ist cracked hickernuts, he
did,
Till they's a crockful, mighty nigh!
An' when they're all done
by an' by,
He raked the red coals out again
An' telled me, "Fetch
that popcorn in,
An' old three-leggud skillut--an'
The _led_ an' all
now, little man,--
An' yer old Uncle here 'ull show
You how corn's
popped, long years ago
When me an' Santy Claus wuz boys
On
Pap's old place in Illinoise!--
[Illustration]
[Illustration]
An' your Pa, too, wuz chums, all through,
With Santy!--Wisht Pa'd be
here, too!"
Nen Uncle sigh at Ma, an' she
Pat him again, an' say to
me
An' Etty,--"You take warning fair!--
Don't
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