50 Bab Ballads, vol 1

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FIFTY "BAB" BALLADS--MUCH SOUND AND LITTLE SENSE
PREFACE.
The "BAB BALLADS" appeared originally in the columns of "FUN,"
when that periodical was under the editorship of the late TOM HOOD.
They were subsequently republished in two volumes, one called "THE
BAB BALLADS," the other "MORE BAB BALLADS." The period
during which they were written extended over some three or four years;
many, however, were composed hastily, and under the discomforting
necessity of having to turn out a quantity of lively verse by a certain
day in every week. As it seemed to me (and to others) that the volumes
were disfigured by the presence of these hastily written impostors, I
thought it better to withdraw from both volumes such Ballads as
seemed to show evidence of carelessness or undue haste, and to publish
the remainder in the compact form under which they are now presented
to the reader.
It may interest some to know that the first of the series, "The Yarn of
the Nancy Bell," was originally offered to "PUNCH,"--to which I was,
at that time, an occasional contributor. It was, however, declined by the
then Editor, on the ground that it was "too cannibalistic for his readers'
tastes."
W. S. GILBERT.
24 The Boltons, South Kensington,
August, 1876.
Ballad: CAPTAIN REECE.
Of all the ships upon the blue,
No ship contained a better crew
Than
that of worthy CAPTAIN REECE,
Commanding of The Mantelpiece.

He was adored by all his men,
For worthy CAPTAIN REECE, R.N.,

Did all that lay within him to
Promote the comfort of his crew.
If ever they were dull or sad,
Their captain danced to them like mad,

Or told, to make the time pass by,
Droll legends of his infancy.
A feather bed had every man,
Warm slippers and hot-water can,

Brown windsor from the captain's store,
A valet, too, to every four.
Did they with thirst in summer burn,
Lo, seltzogenes at every turn,

And on all very sultry days
Cream ices handed round on trays.
Then currant wine and ginger pops
Stood handily on all the "tops;"

And also, with amusement rife,
A "Zoetrope, or Wheel of Life."
New volumes came across the sea
From MISTER MUDIE'S libraree;

The Times and Saturday Review
Beguiled the leisure of the crew.
Kind-hearted CAPTAIN REECE, R.N.,
Was quite devoted to his men;

In point of fact, good CAPTAIN REECE
Beatified The
Mantelpiece.
One summer eve, at half-past ten,
He said (addressing all his men):

"Come, tell me, please, what I can do
To please and gratify my crew.
"By any reasonable plan
I'll make you happy if I can;
My own
convenience count as nil:
It is my duty, and I will."
Then up and answered WILLIAM LEE
(The kindly captain's
coxswain he,
A nervous, shy, low-spoken man),
He cleared his
throat and thus began:
"You have a daughter, CAPTAIN REECE,
Ten female cousins and a
niece,
A Ma, if what I'm told is true,
Six sisters, and an aunt or two.
"Now, somehow, sir, it seems to me,
More friendly-like we all should

be,
If you united of 'em to
Unmarried members of the crew.
"If you'd ameliorate our life,
Let each select from them a wife;
And
as for nervous me, old pal,
Give me your own enchanting gal!"
Good CAPTAIN REECE, that worthy man,
Debated on his
coxswain's plan:
"I quite agree," he said, "O BILL;
It is my duty,
and I will.
"My daughter, that enchanting gurl,
Has just been promised to an Earl,

And all my other familee
To peers of various degree.
"But what are dukes and viscounts to
The happiness of all my crew?

The word I gave you I'll fulfil;
It is my duty, and I will.
"As you desire it shall befall,
I'll settle thousands on you all,
And I
shall be, despite my hoard,
The only bachelor on board."
The boatswain of The Mantelpiece,
He blushed and spoke to
CAPTAIN REECE:
"I beg your honour's leave," he said;
"If you
would wish to go and wed,
"I have a widowed mother who
Would be the very thing for you -

She long has loved you from afar:
She washes for you, CAPTAIN
R."
The Captain saw the dame that day -
Addressed her in his playful
way -
"And did it want a wedding ring?
It was a tempting ickle
sing!
"Well, well, the chaplain I will seek,
We'll all be married this day
week
At yonder church upon the hill;
It is my duty, and I will!"
The sisters, cousins, aunts, and niece,
And widowed Ma of
CAPTAIN REECE,
Attended there as they were bid;
It was their
duty, and they did.

Ballad: THE RIVAL CURATES.
List while the poet trolls
Of MR. CLAYTON HOOPER,
Who had a
cure of souls
At Spiffton-extra-Sooper.
He lived on curds and whey,
And daily sang their praises,
And then
he'd go and play
With buttercups and daisies.
Wild croquet HOOPER banned,
And all the sports of Mammon,
He
warred with cribbage, and
He exorcised backgammon.
His helmet was a glance
That spoke of holy gladness;
A saintly
smile his lance;
His shield a tear of sadness.
His Vicar smiled to see
This armour on him buckled:
With
pardonable glee
He