Winsome Winnie and other New Nonsense Novels

Winsome Winnie and other New Nonsense Novels, by

Stephen Leacock This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
Title: Winsome Winnie and other New Nonsense Novels
Author: Stephen Leacock
Release Date: February 20, 2007 [EBook #20633]
Language: English
Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1
*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK WINSOME WINNIE AND OTHERS ***

Produced by Malcolm Farmer and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net

WINSOME WINNIE AND OTHER NEW NONSENSE NOVELS
BY THE SAME AUTHOR
THE HOHENZOLLERNS IN AMERICA AND OTHER IMPOSSIBILITIES
LITERARY LAPSES
NONSENSE NOVELS
SUNSHINE SKETCHES OF A LITTLE TOWN. With a Frontispiece by Cyrus Cuneo
BEHIND THE BEYOND AND OTHER CONTRIBUTIONS TO HUMAN KNOWLEDGE. With 17 Illustrations by "FISH"
ARCADIAN ADVENTURES WITH THE IDLE RICH
MOONBEAMS FROM THE LARGER LUNACY
ESSAYS AND LITERARY STUDIES
FURTHER FOOLISHNESS: SKETCHES AND SATIRES ON THE FOLLIES OF THE DAY. With coloured Frontispiece by "FISH" and 5 other Plates by M. BLOOD.
FRENZIED FICTION
THE UNSOLVED RIDDLE OF SOCIAL JUSTICE.
THE BODLEY HEAD

WINSOME WINNIE AND OTHER NEW NONSENSE NOVELS
BY STEPHEN LEACOCK
LONDON: JOHN LANE, THE BODLEY HEAD NEW YORK: JOHN LANE COMPANY MCMXXI
Printed in Great Britain by R. Clay & Sons, Ltd., London and Bungay

CONTENTS

CHAP.
I. WINSOME WINNIE; OR, TRIAL AND TEMPTATION I. THROWN ON THE WORLD II. A RENCOUNTER III. FRIENDS IN DISTRESS IV. A GAMBLING PARTY IN ST. JAMES'S CLOSE V. THE ABDUCTION VI. THE UNKNOWN VII. THE PROPOSAL VIII. WEDDED AT LAST
II. JOHN AND I; OR, HOW I NEARLY LOST MY HUSBAND
III. THE SPLIT IN THE CABINET; OR, THE FATE OF ENGLAND
IV. WHO DO YOU THINK DID IT? OR, THE MIXED-UP MURDER MYSTERY I. HE DINED WITH ME LAST NIGHT II. I MUST SAVE HER LIFE III. I MUST BUY A BOOK ON BILLIARDS IV. THAT IS NOT BILLIARD CHALK V. HAS ANYBODY HERE SEEN KELLY? VI. SHOW ME THE MAN WHO WORE THOSE BOOTS VII. OH, MR. KENT, SAVE ME! VIII. YOU ARE PETER KELLY IX. LET ME TELL YOU THE STORY OF MY LIFE X. SO DO I
V. BROKEN BARRIERS; OR, RED LOVE ON A BLUE ISLAND
VI. THE KIDNAPPED PLUMBER: A TALE OF THE NEW TIME
VII. THE BLUE AND THE GREY: A PRE-WAR WAR STORY
VIII. BUGGAM GRANGE: A GOOD OLD GHOST STORY

I
WINSOME WINNIE
OR, TRIAL AND TEMPTATION
(Narrated after the best models of 1875)

I.--Winsome Winnie; or, Trial and Temptation.
CHAPTER I
THROWN ON THE WORLD
"Miss Winnifred," said the Old Lawyer, looking keenly over and through his shaggy eyebrows at the fair young creature seated before him, "you are this morning twenty-one."
Winnifred Clair raised her deep mourning veil, lowered her eyes and folded her hands.
"This morning," continued Mr. Bonehead, "my guardianship is at an end."
There was a tone of something like emotion in the voice of the stern old lawyer, while for a moment his eye glistened with something like a tear which he hastened to remove with something like a handkerchief. "I have therefore sent for you," he went on, "to render you an account of my trust."
He heaved a sigh at her, and then, reaching out his hand, he pulled the woollen bell-rope up and down several times.
An aged clerk appeared.
"Did the bell ring?" he asked.
"I think it did," said the Lawyer. "Be good enough, Atkinson, to fetch me the papers of the estate of the late Major Clair defunct."
"I have them here," said the clerk, and he laid upon the table a bundle of faded blue papers, and withdrew.
"Miss Winnifred," resumed the Old Lawyer, "I will now proceed to give you an account of the disposition that has been made of your property. This first document refers to the sum of two thousand pounds left to you by your great uncle. It is lost."
Winnifred bowed.
"Pray give me your best attention and I will endeavour to explain to you how I lost it."
"Oh, sir," cried Winnifred, "I am only a poor girl unskilled in the ways of the world, and knowing nothing but music and French; I fear that the details of business are beyond my grasp. But if it is lost, I gather that it is gone."
"It is," said Mr. Bonehead. "I lost it in a marginal option in an undeveloped oil company. I suppose that means nothing to you."
"Alas," sighed Winnifred, "nothing."
"Very good," resumed the Lawyer. "Here next we have a statement in regard to the thousand pounds left you under the will of your maternal grandmother. I lost it at Monte Carlo. But I need not fatigue you with the details."
"Pray spare them," cried the girl.
"This final item relates to the sum of fifteen hundred pounds placed in trust for you by your uncle. I lost it on a horse race. That horse," added the Old Lawyer with rising excitement, "ought to have won. He was coming down the stretch like blue--but there,