The Stolen White Elephant | Page 3

Mark Twain
he would be indifferent to illustrations that is, I think he would
not value illustrations above simple letterpress."
"No, you do not get my idea. I refer to bulk. The ordinary octavo Bible
weighs about two pound; and a half, while the great quarto with the
illustrations weighs ten or twelve. How many Dore Bibles would he eat
at a meal?"
"If you knew this elephant, you could not ask. He would take what they
had."
"Well, put it in dollars and cents, then. We must get at it somehow. The
Dore costs a hundred dollars a copy, Russia leather, beveled."
"He would require about fifty thousand dollars worth--say an edition of
five hundred copies."
"Now that is more exact. I will put that down. Very well; he likes men
and Bibles; so far, so good. What else will he eat? I want particulars."
"He will leave Bibles to eat bricks, he will leave bricks to eat bottles, he
will leave bottles to eat clothing, he will leave clothing to eat cats, he
will leave cats to eat oysters, he will leave oysters to eat ham, he will
leave ham to eat sugar, he will leave sugar to eat pie, he will leave pie
to eat potatoes, he will leave potatoes to eat bran; he will leave bran to

eat hay, he will leave hay to eat oats, he will leave oats to eat rice, for
he was mainly raised on it. There is nothing whatever that he will not
eat but European butter, and he would eat that if he could taste it."
"Very good. General quantity at a meal--say about--"
"Well, anywhere from a quarter to half a ton."
"And he drinks--"
"Everything that is fluid. Milk, water, whisky, molasses, castor oil,
camphene, carbolic acid--it is no use to go into particulars; whatever
fluid occurs to you set it down. He will drink anything that is fluid,
except European coffee."
"Very good. As to quantity?"
"Put it down five to fifteen barrels--his thirst varies; his other appetites
do not."
"These things are unusual. They ought to furnish quite good clues
toward tracing him."
He touched the bell.
"Alaric; summon Captain Burns."
Burns appeared. Inspector Blunt unfolded the whole matter to him,
detail by detail. Then he said in the clear, decisive tones of a man
whose plans are clearly defined in his head and who is accustomed to
command:
"Captain Burns, detail Detectives Jones, Davis, Halsey, Bates, and
Hackett to shadow the elephant."
"Yes, sir."
"Detail Detectives Moses, Dakin, Murphy, Rogers, Tupper, Higgins,
and Bartholomew to shadow the thieves."

"Yes, sir."
"Place a strong guard--A guard of thirty picked men, with a relief of
thirty--over the place from whence the elephant was stolen, to keep
strict watch there night and day, and allow none to approach--except
reporters--without written authority from me."
"Yes, sir."
"Place detectives in plain clothes in the railway; steamship, and ferry
depots, and upon all roadways leading out of Jersey City, with orders to
search all suspicious persons."
"Yes, sir."
"Furnish all these men with photograph and accompanying description
of the elephant, and instruct them to search all trains and outgoing
ferryboats and other vessels."
"Yes, sir."
"If the elephant should be found, let him be seized, and the information
forwarded to me by telegraph."
"Yes, sir."
"Let me be informed at once if any clues should be found footprints of
the animal, or anything of that kind."
"Yes, sir."
"Get an order commanding the harbor police to patrol the frontages
vigilantly."
"Yes, sir."
"Despatch detectives in plain clothes over all the railways, north as far
as Canada, west as far as Ohio, south as far as Washington."

"Yes, sir."
"Place experts in all the telegraph offices to listen in to all messages;
and let them require that all cipher despatches be interpreted to them."
"Yes, sir."
"Let all these things be done with the utmost's secrecy--mind, the most
impenetrable secrecy."
"Yes, sir."
"Report to me promptly at the usual hour."
"Yes, Sir."
"Go!"
"Yes, sir."
He was gone.
Inspector Blunt was silent and thoughtful a moment, while the fire in
his eye cooled down and faded out. Then he turned to me and said in a
placid voice:
"I am not given to boasting, it is not my habit; but--we shall find the
elephant."
I shook him warmly by the hand and thanked him; and I felt my thanks,
too. The more I had seen of the man the more I liked him and the more
I admired him and marveled over the mysterious wonders of his
profession. Then we parted for the night, and I went home with a far
happier heart than I had carried with me to his office.
II
Next morning it was all in the newspapers, in the minutest detail. It
even
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