The Fifteen Comforts of Matrimony: Responses from Men

The Fifteen Comforts of
Matrimony:
by Various

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Title: The Fifteen Comforts of Matrimony: Responses from Men
Author: Various
Release Date: November 8, 2004 [EBook #13971]
Language: English
Character set encoding: ASCII
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COMFORTS OF MATRIMONY ***

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* * * * *
THE Fifteen Comforts OF MATRIMONY.
OR,
Looking glass for all Those who have Enter'd in that Holy and
Comfortable State. herein are sum'd up all those Blessings that attend a
Married Life.
Dedicated to Batchelors and Widdowers.
London. Printed in the Year, 1706.

The Fifteen Comforts of Matrimony.

The First Comfort of Matrimony.
Happy were Man, when born as free as Air, Did he that freedom as he
ought, prefer; But the first Thing he sets his Heart upon, Is to be
Married, and to be undone: On some young Girl he casts his wanton
Eyes, And wooes her with fine Complements and Toys. But that's not
all--he grows in Love at last, And is impatient till those Joys he taste:
Nor do's the wishing Virgin disagree, In what she longs to taste as well
as he; Married they are--no Couple for a while Enjoy such Pleasure,
Fortune seems to smile: But all's a Dream, from which in time they

wake, And now their Breasts of other Cares partake: She grows true
Woman, sullen, proud, and high, Complains he keeps her not
accordingly, To what she brought--wants This rich Thing, and That
Until she runs him o'er Head and Ears in Debt, That in a Gaol he's
forc'd to end his Life, The first great Comfort flowing from a Wife.
The Second Comfort of Matrimony.
Another that has got a Handsome Wife, Makes her the only Heaven of
his Life; Keeps her Extravagantly, Fine and Gay, And never thinks she
makes too much away; The Treats and Balls she is invited to, And he
good Man, consents that she shall go: Believes her Company is much
desired, And's proud to think she shou'd be so admired: Until at length,
by chance he finds the Truth, And catches her with some enamour'd
Youth: Surpriz'd--but dare not make the Matter known, Conceals her
Shame, that he may hide his own; He ever after spends an anxious Life,
Heavy his Sorrow, and as Light his Wife.
The Third Comfort of Matrimony.
Scarce has another three full Moons beguil'd, But that his forward
Spouse has prov'd with Child, And now begins the drugery of Life, Lo!
the vast Comforts of a Breeding Wife, Now she's grown Squeamish,
such ado is kept, She e'en as peevish as an Ape new whipt, She pukes
and whines, do's nothing but complain, And vows she'll never know the
like again; But 'tis as Children promise to be good, Only remember'd
while they feel the Rod. And now the look'd for time approaches nigh,
And you've a thousand several Things to buy, The Twi-lights, Blankets,
and the Lord knows what, To keep the Child, perhaps he never got, A
noise of Bawdy Gossips in his Ears, Until his House like Billings gate
appears, Thus amply curst, he grows discreetly dull, And from a Man
of Sence, becomes a Fool.
The Fourth Comfort, &c.
One that so fast in Hymens Net appears, He has been strugling in't near
twenty Years: With Care and Toil to propagate his Store, Able to keep
the Wolf just from the Door; As num'rous Offspring round his Table

spread; Daughters for Marriage fit, and Sons for Trades, Is Blest with
Comforts of the Marriage Bed. Charges encreasing daily, and the
thought Where to get Money to dispose 'em out? Or then perhaps he
feels the greater Curse, The Sons turn Sots, or Fools, the Daughters
worse; The Wife still teezing him to do his part, Until he has enough to
break his