Pipes OPan at Zekesbury | Page 3

fact, we find this young man possessed of
such natural gifts as would befit him for the exalted career of the
sculptor, the actor, the artist, or the poet--any ideal calling; in fact, any
calling but a practical, matter-of-fact vocation; though in poetry he
would seem to best succeed."
"Well," said my friend, seriously, "he's feeling for the boy!" Then
laughingly: "Hedrick has written some rhymes for the county papers,
and Sweeney once introduced him, at an Old Settlers' Meeting, as 'The
Best Poet in Center Township,' and never cracked a smile! Always after
each other that way, but the best friends in the world. Sweeney's strong
suit is elocution. He has a native ability that way by no means ordinary,
but even that gift he abuses and distorts simply to produce grotesque,

and oftentimes ridiculous effects. For instance, nothing more delights
him than to 'lothfully' consent to answer a request, at The Mite Society,
some evening, for 'an appropriate selection,' and then, with an elaborate
introduction of the same, and an exalted tribute to the refined genius of
the author, proceed with a most gruesome rendition of 'Alonzo The
Brave and The Fair Imogene,' in a way to coagulate the blood and curl
the hair of his fair listeners with abject terror. Pale as a corpse, you
know, and with that cadaverous face, lit with those malignant-looking
eyes, his slender figure, and his long, thin legs and arms and hands, and
his whole diabolical talent and adroitness brought into play--why, I
want to say to you, it's enough to scare 'em to death! Never a smile
from him, though, till he and Hedrick are safe out into the night
again--then, of course, they hug each other and howl over it like
Modocs! But pardon; I'm interrupting the lecture. Listen."
"A lack of continuity, however," continued the Professor, "and an
undue love of approbation, would, measurably, at least, tend to retard
the young man's progress toward the consummation of any loftier
ambition, I fear; yet as we have intimated, if the subject were
appropriately educated to the need's demand, he could doubtless
produce a high order of both prose and poetry--especially the
latter--though he could very illy bear being laughed at for his pains."
"He's dead wrong there," said my friend; "Hedrick enjoys being
laughed at; he 's used to it--gets fat on it!"
"He is fond of his friends," continued the Professor "and the heartier
they are the better; might even be convivially inclined--if so
tempted--but prudent--in a degree," loiteringly concluded the speaker,
as though unable to find the exact bump with which to bolster up the
last named attribute.
The subject blushed vividly--my friend's right eyelid dropped, and there
was a noticeable, though elusive sensation throughout the audience.
"But!" said the Professor, explosively, "selecting a directly opposite
subject, in conjunction with the study of the one before us [turning to
the group at the rear of the stage and beckoning], we may find a newer

interest in the practical comparison of these subjects side by side." And
the Professor pushed a very pale young man into position.
"Sweeney!" whispered my friend, delightedly; "now look out!"
"In this subject," said the Professor, "we find the practical business
head. Square--though small--a trifle light at the base, in fact; but well
balanced at the important points at least; thoughtful
eyes--wide-awake--crafty--quick--restless--a policy eye, though not
denoting language--unless, perhaps, mere business forms and direct
statements."
"Fooled again!" whispered my friend; "and I'm afraid the old man will
fail to nest out the fact also that Sweeney is the cold-bloodedest guyer
on the face of the earth, and with more diabolical resources than a
prosecuting attorney; the Professor ought to know this, too, by this
time--for these same two chaps have been visiting the old man in his
room at the hotel;--that's what I was trying to tell you awhile ago. The
old sharp thinks he's 'playing' the boys, is my idea; but it's the other
way, or I lose my guess."
"Now, under the mesmeric influence--if the two subjects will consent
to its administration," said the Professor, after some further tedious
preamble, "we may at once determine the fact of my assertions, as will
be proved by their action while in this peculiar state." Here some
apparent remonstrance was met with from both subjects, though
amicably overcome by the Professor first manipulating the stolid brow
and pallid front of the imperturbable Sweeney--after which the same
mysterious ordeal was lothfully submitted to by Hedrick--though a
noticeably longer time was consumed in securing his final loss of
self-control. At last, however, this curious phenomenon was presented,
and there before us stood the two swaying figures, the heads dropped
back, the lifted hands, with thumb and finger-tips pressed lightly
together, the eyelids languid and half closed, and the