Love Among the Chickens

Love Among the Chickens, by P.
G. Wodehouse

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Title: Love Among the Chickens A Story of the Haps and Mishaps on
an English Chicken Farm
Author: P. G. Wodehouse
Illustrator: Armand Both
Release Date: February 6, 2007 [EBook #20532]
Language: English
Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1
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AMONG THE CHICKENS ***

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[Illustration: "Never mind the ink, old horse. It'll soak in."]

LOVE AMONG THE CHICKENS
A STORY OF THE HAPS AND MISHAPS ON AN ENGLISH
CHICKEN FARM

BY P. G. WODEHOUSE

ILLUSTRATED BY
ARMAND BOTH

NEW YORK
THE CIRCLE PUBLISHING COMPANY
1909

Copyright, 1908, by A. E. BAERMAN
* * * * *

CONTENTS
CHAPTER
I.
--A LETTER WITH A POSTSCRIPT
II. --UKRIDGE'S SCHEME
III. --WATERLOO, SOME FELLOW-TRAVELERS, AND A GIRL

WITH BROWN HAIR
IV. --THE ARRIVAL
V. --BUCKLING TO
VI. --MR. GARNET'S NARRATIVE. HAS TO DO WITH A
REUNION
VII. --THE ENTENTE CORDIALE IS SEALED
VIII. --A LITTLE DINNER AT UKRIDGE'S
IX. --DIES IRÆ
X. --I ENLIST THE SERVICES OF A MINION
XI. --THE BRAVE PRESERVER
XII. --SOME EMOTIONS AND YELLOW LUBIN
XIII. --TEA AND TENNIS
XIV. --A COUNCIL OF WAR
XV. --THE ARRIVAL OF NEMESIS
XVI. --A CHANCE MEETING
XVII. --OF A SENTIMENTAL NATURE
XVIII. --UKRIDGE GIVES ME ADVICE
XIX. --I ASK PAPA
XX. --SCIENTIFIC GOLF
XXI. --THE CALM BEFORE THE STORM
XXII. --THE STORM BREAKS

XXIII. --AFTER THE STORM
EPILOGUE
* * * * *

LIST OF ILLUSTRATIONS
"Never mind the ink, old horse. It'll soak in" Frontispiece
They had a momentary vision of an excited dog, framed in the doorway
"I've only bin and drove 'im further up," said Mrs. Beale
Things were not going very well on our model chicken farm
"Mr. Garnet," he said, "we parted recently in anger. I hope that bygones
will be bygones"
"I did think Mr. Garnet would have fainted when the best man said, 'I
can't find it, old horse'"
* * * * *

A LETTER with a POSTSCRIPT
I
Mr. Jeremy Garnet stood with his back to the empty grate--for the time
was summer--watching with a jaundiced eye the removal of his
breakfast things.
"Mrs. Medley," he said.
"Sir?"

"Would it bore you if I became auto-biographical?"
"Sir?"
"Never mind. I merely wish to sketch for your benefit a portion of my
life's history. At eleven o'clock last night I went to bed, and at once
sank into a dreamless sleep. About four hours later there was a
clattering on the stairs which shook the house like a jelly. It was the
gentleman in the top room--I forget his name--returning to roost. He
was humming a patriotic song. A little while later there were a couple
of loud crashes. He had removed his boots. All this while snatches of
the patriotic song came to me through the ceiling of my bedroom. At
about four-thirty there was a lull, and I managed to get to sleep again. I
wish when you see that gentleman, Mrs. Medley, you would give him
my compliments, and ask him if he could shorten his program another
night. He might cut out the song, for a start."
"He's a very young gentleman, sir," said Mrs. Medley, in vague defense
of her top room.
"And it's highly improbable," said Garnet, "that he will ever grow old,
if he repeats his last night's performance. I have no wish to shed blood
wantonly, but there are moments when one must lay aside one's
personal prejudices, and act for the good of the race. A man who hums
patriotic songs at four o'clock in the morning doesn't seem to me to fit
into the scheme of universal happiness. So you will mention it to him,
won't you?"
"Very well, sir," said Mrs. Medley, placidly.
On the strength of the fact that he wrote for the newspapers and had
published two novels, Mrs. Medley regarded Mr. Garnet as an eccentric
individual who had to be humored. Whatever he did or said filled her
with a mild amusement. She received his daily harangues in the same
spirit as that in which a nurse listens to the outpourings of the family
baby. She was surprised when he said anything sensible enough for her
to understand.

His table being clear of breakfast and his room free from disturbing
influences, the exhilaration caused by his chat with his