Little Masterpieces of American Wit and Humor | Page 2

Dunne ("Mr. Dooley"); "My Angeline," Harry B. Smith.
H. S. STONE & COMPANY, Chicago: "The Preacher Who Flew His Kite." "The Fable of the Caddy," "The Two Mandolin Players," George Ade.
AMERICAN PUBLISHING COMPANY, Hartford: "A Pleasure Excursion," "An Unmarried Female," Marietta Holley; "Colonel Sellers," "Mark Twain."
G. P. PUTNAM'S SONS, New York: "Living in the Country," "A Glass of Water," "A Family Horse," F. S. Cozzens.
GEORGE DILLINGHAM, New York: "Natral and Unnatral Aristocrats," "To Correspondents," "The Bumblebee," "Josh Billings"; "Among the Spirits," "The Shakers," "A. W. to His Wife," "Artemus Ward and the Prince of Wales," "A Visit to Brigham Young," "The Tower of London," "One of Mr. Ward's Business Letters," "On 'Forts,'" Artemus Ward; "At the Musicale," "At the Races," Geo. V. Hobart ("John Henry").
THOMPSON & THOMAS, Chicago: "How to Hunt the Fox," Bill Nye.
LITTLE, BROWN & COMPANY, Boston: "Street Scenes in Washington," Louisa May Alcott.
E. H. BACON & COMPANY, Boston: "A Boston Lullaby," James Jeffrey Roche.
HOUGHTON, MIFFLIN & COMPANY, Boston: "My Aunt," "The Wonderful One-hoss Shay," "Foreign Correspondence," "Music-Pounding" (extract), "The Ballad of the Oysterman," "Dislikes" (short extract), "The Height of the Ridiculous," "An Aphorism and a Lecture," O. W. Holmes; "The Yankee Recruit," "What Mr. Robinson Thinks," "The Courtin'," "A Letter from Mr. Ezekiel Bigelow," "Without and Within," J. R. Lowell; "Five Lives," "Eve's Daughter," E. R. Sill; "The Owl-Critic," "The Alarmed Skipper," James T. Fields; "My Summer in a Garden," "Plumbers," "How I Killed a Bear," C. D. Warner; "Little Breeches," John Hay; "The Stammering Wife," "Coquette," "My Familiar," "Early Rising," J. G. Saxe; "The Diamond Wedding," E. C. Stedman; "Melons," "Society Upon the Stanislaus," "The Heathen Chinee," "To the Pliocene Skull," Bret Harte; "The Total Depravity of Inanimate Things," K. K. C. Walker; "Palabras Grandiosas," Bayard Taylor; "Mrs. Johnson," William Dean Howells; "A Plea for Humor," Agnes Repplier; "The Minister's Wooing," Harriet Beecher Stowe.
In addition, the Editor desires to make his personal acknowledgments to the following authors: F. P. Dunne, Mary Mapes Dodge, Gelett Burgess, R. K. Munkittrick, E. W. Townsend, F. D. Sherman.
For such small paragraphs, anecdotes and witticisms as have been used in these volumes, acknowledgment is hereby made to the following newspapers and periodicals:
Chicago Record, Boston Globe, Texas Siftings, New Orleans Times Democrat, Providence Journal, New York Evening Sun, Atlanta Constitution, Macon Telegraph, New Haven Register, Chicago Times, Analostan Magazine, Harper's Bazaar, Florida Citizen, Saturday Evening Post, Chicago Times Herald, Washington Post, Cleveland Plain Dealer, New York Tribune, Chicago Tribune, Pittsburg Bulletin, Philadelphia Ledger, Youth's Companion, Harper's Magazine, Duluth Evening Herald, Boston Medical and Surgical Journal, Washington Times, Rochester Budget, Bangor News, Boston Herald, Pittsburg Dispatch, Christian Advocate, Troy Times, Boston Beacon, New Haven News, New York Herald, Philadelphia Call, Philadelphia News, Erie Dispatch, Town Topics, Buffalo Courier, Life, San Francisco Wave, Boston Home Journal, Puck, Washington Hatchet, Detroit Free Press, Babyhood, Philadelphia Press, Judge, New York Sun, Minneapolis Journal, San Francisco Argonaut, St. Louis Sunday Globe, Atlanta Constitution, Buffalo Courier, New York Weekly, Starlight Messenger (St Peter, Minn.).

CONTENTS
VOLUME I
PAGE
WASHINGTON IRVING
Wouter Van Twiller 1 Wilhelmus Kieft 8 Peter Stuyvesant 13 Antony Van Corlear 15 General Van Poffenburgh 18
BENJAMIN FRANKLIN
Maxims 21 Model of a Letter of Recommendation of a Person You Are Unacquainted with 21 Epitaph for Himself 22
WILLIAM ALLEN BUTLER
Nothing to Wear 24
HENRY WARD BEECHER
Deacon Marble 39 The Deacon's Trout 41 The Dog Noble and the Empty Hole 43
ALBERT GORTON GREENE
Old Grimes 45
OLIVER WENDELL HOLMES
My Aunt 49 The Deacon's Masterpiece; or, the Wonderful "One-hoss Shay" 63 Foreign Correspondence 106 Music-Pounding 109 The Ballad of the Oysterman 142
NATHANIEL PARKER WILLIS
Miss Albina McLush 51 Love in a Cottage 125
WILLIAM PITT PALMER
A Smack in School 56
B. P. SHILLABER ("Mrs. Partington")
Fancy Diseases 58 Bailed Out 59 Seeking a Comet 59 Going to California 60 Mrs. Partington in Court 61
EDWARD ROWLAND SILL
Five Lives 68
JAMES T. FIELDS
The Owl-Critic 70 The Alarmed Skipper 104
JOHN HAY
Little Breeches 74
HENRY W. SHAW ("Josh Billings")
Natral and Unnatral Aristokrats 77
JAMES RUSSELL LOWELL
The Yankee Recruit 81 What Mr. Robinson Thinks 170
CHARLES DUDLEY WARNER
My Summer in a Garden 90
FREDERICK S. COZZENS
Living in the Country 111
CHARLES GODFREY LELAND
Hans Breitmann's Party 127
FRANCES M. WHICHER
Tim Crane and the Widow 129
JOHN GODFREY SAXE
The Stammering Wife 135
ANDREW V. KELLEY ("Parmenas Mix")
He Came to Pay 139
MARIETTA HOLLEY
A Pleasure Exertion 144
EDMUND CLARENCE STEDMAN
The Diamond Wedding 162
MISCELLANEOUS
Why He Left 23 A Boy's Essay on Girls 38 Identified 47 One Better 48 A Rendition 57 A Cause for Thanks 73 Crowded 103 The Wedding Journey 105 A Case of Conscience 126 He Rose to the Occasion 136 Polite 137 Lost, Strayed or Stolen 138 A Gentle Complaint 141 Music by the Choir 173

WASHINGTON IRVING
WOUTER VAN TWILLER
It was in the year of our Lord 1629 that Mynheer Wouter Van Twiller was appointed Governor of the province of Nieuw Nederlandts, under the commission and control of their High Mightinesses the Lords States General of the United Netherlands, and the