How To Get A Man To The Alter | Page 2

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who will lie, lie,
and lie again to get his fix. Unless a woman understands and comes to grips with this
fact, she is destined to become victim to those lies.

Some men would accuse me of breaking the “code” of my own gender by openly telling
you this, but I’m not here to uphold an immoral code I don’t believe in. I believe that in
order for men to be truly happy, they must eventually enter a win/win relationship that
includes exchanging a committed marital vow in return for the sexual affection bestowed.
I believe in paying for what I get, emotionally speaking. This is not only best for the
woman, in the long run it is best for the man as well.

Those men who “cheat” a woman of her rightful due in this regard will learn in due
course that they have only been cheating themselves. When a man uses a woman for sex,
always pretending to leave the door open to marriage (just enough to keep her hoping), it
is never win/win. It is actually win/lose. And if win/lose, then ultimately it will be
lose/lose – even for him.

Woman yearns mostly for love and commitment. Man primarily desires sex. The fair
tradeoff is: sex in a loving and committed marriage. Women traditionally have had a
strong bargaining chip when coming to the negotiating table. But somewhere over the
last century, men have succeeded in bluffing women out of their strong position. Most
Copyright © 2003 Couples Company All Rights Reserved http://www.couplescompany.com/Advice/TOM/BornAgainVirgin1.htm
2

How to Get a Man to the Alter without having sex first By Tom McNight
women don’t know how powerful they really are, if they just exercise their determination
in this regard.

Man has stood eyeball to eyeball to woman…and she has blinked!! It was a bluff on his
part – it’s always been a bluff – and the woman has fallen for it. The bluff is that if a
woman doesn’t go to bed with a man if she loves him then she will lose her chance to win
his love in return.

In actuality, men prefer strong women who can resist them and say no. Men need strong
women who can say no. Admittedly this paradox is frustrating to a man, because he is
also fighting a sexual urge that is both constant and strong all the time. But emotional
and spiritual growth never was easy, and a permissive woman denies him this opportunity
to progress.

The Male’s Addiction to Sex
GUY LOGIC ON SEX BEFORE MARRIAGE
“Well, you
wouldn’t expect
me to buy a car
without kicking
the tires first,
would you?”

GUY REALITY

He's been
kicking the
same tires for
over four
years!! And
he’s trying to
imply that he
just hasn’t
made up his
mind yet?!!
A man is like a drug addict, prisoner to his sexual addiction but
desperately wanting a way out. Most men dream of finding the
perfect woman who will be his equal and not easily
blackmailed by his lies. At the same time, men’s sexual drive
continually makes them take advantage of easy prey while
subconsciously hoping to find the woman who stands above
the crowd.

Understand, too, that the woman is not the only one the addict
lies to. He often is lying to himself as well. One close
acquaintance uses the line on me, “Well, you wouldn’t expect
me to buy a car without kicking the tires first, would you?”

How incredibly naïve such a comparison is! Who does he
think he’s kidding?

Not only are we talking about something so much more
important than the cars on a tire, but this particular
acquaintance has been kicking the same tires for over four
years!! And he’s trying to imply that he just hasn’t made up
his mind yet?!! What a crock of bologna! He is only fooling
himself, in his desperate attempt to justify his entirely selfish
and compulsive actions. Remember, though, that’s what
addicts do: they lie to justify their obsessive-compulsive
behaviors!

In revealing this fact my intention is not to stand in judgment
of, or condemn, those of my gender. Men are not purposely malicious and evil. Most of
them are victims themselves, much like a drug addict in need of their constant fix. But
while feeling compassion and sympathy for their plight, it is essential to recognize their
Copyright © 2003 Couples Company All Rights Reserved http://www.couplescompany.com/Advice/TOM/BornAgainVirgin1.htm
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How to Get a Man to the Alter without having sex first By Tom McNight
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