Extracts From Adams Diary

Extracts From Adam's Diary
Translated from the original MS.
by Mark Twain

[NOTE.--I translated a portion of this diary some years ago, and a
friend of mine printed a few copies in an incomplete form, but the
public never got them. Since then I have deciphered some more of
Adam's hieroglyphics, and think he has now become sufficiently
important as a public character to justify this publication.--M. T.]
Monday
This new creature with the long hair is a good deal in the way. It is
always hanging around and following me about. I don't like this; I am
not used to company. I wish it would stay with the other animals.
Cloudy to-day, wind in the east; think we shall have rain. ... Where did
I get that word? ... I remember now-- the new creature uses it.
Tuesday
Been examining the great waterfall. It is the finest thing on the estate, I
think. The new creature calls it Niagara Falls--why, I am sure I do not
know. Says it looks like Niagara Falls. That is not a reason; it is mere
waywardness and imbecility. I get no chance to name anything myself.
The new creature names everything that comes along, before I can get
in a protest. And always that same pretext is offered--it looks like the
thing. There is the dodo, for instance. Says the moment one looks at it
one sees at a glance that it "looks like a dodo." It will have to keep that
name, no doubt. It wearies me to fret about it, and it does no good,
anyway. Dodo! It looks no more like a dodo than I do.
Wednesday

Built me a shelter against the rain, but could not have it to myself in
peace. The new creature intruded. When I tried to put it out it shed
water out of the holes it looks with, and wiped it away with the back of
its paws, and made a noise such as some of the other animals make
when they are in distress. I wish it would not talk; it is always talking.
That sounds like a cheap fling at the poor creature, a slur; but I do not
mean it so. I have never heard the human voice before, and any new
and strange sound intruding itself here upon the solemn hush of these
dreaming solitudes offends my ear and seems a false note. And this
new sound is so close to me; it is right at my shoulder, right at my ear,
first on one side and then on the other, and I am used only to sounds
that are more or less distant from me.
Friday
The naming goes recklessly on, in spite of anything I can do. I had a
very good name for the estate, and it was musical and pretty--
GARDEN-OF-EDEN. Privately, I continue to call it that, but not any
longer publicly. The new creature says it is all woods and rocks and
scenery, and therefore has no resemblance to a garden. Says it looks
like a park, and does not look like anything but a park. Consequently,
without consulting me, it has been new-named-- NIAGARA FALLS
PARK. This is sufficiently high-handed, it seems to me. And already
there is a sign up:
KEEP OFF THE GRASS
My life is not as happy as it was.
Saturday
The new creature eats too much fruit. We are going to run short, most
likely. "We" again--that is its word; mine too, now, from hearing it so
much. Good deal of fog this morning. I do not go out in the fog myself.
The new creature does. It goes out in all weathers, and stumps right in
with its muddy feet. And talks. It used to be so pleasant and quiet here.
Sunday

Pulled through. This day is getting to be more and more trying. It was
selected and set apart last November as a day of rest. I already had six
of them per week, before. This morning found the new creature trying
to clod apples out of that forbidden tree.
Monday
The new creature says its name is Eve. That is all right, I have no
objections. Says it is to call it by when I want it to come. I said it was
superfluous, then. The word evidently raised me in its respect; and
indeed it is a large, good word, and will bear repetition. It says it is not
an It, it is a She. This is probably doubtful; yet it is all one to me; what
she is were nothing to me if she would but go by herself and not talk.
Tuesday
She has littered the whole estate with execrable names and offensive
signs:
THIS WAY TO THE WHIRLPOOL.
THIS WAY TO GOAT