Blood, Sweat Tea | Page 4

Thankfully I'm no
longer a relief - I'm 'Core' staff now, which means I have a regular
partner and I work mainly out of one station.
Some People Just Can't Wait
So, there I am in my Ambulance helping a bloke who was actually
quite ill, when all of a sudden the back doors fly open and some idiot
decides to start berating me because I'm blocking the road. Needless to
say I am not pleased at this, not only because it is embarrassing for the
patient, but also because of the sheer bloody cheek of this person.
When I tell her (very politely mind you) to bugger off, she replies with
the old favourite 'I'm a taxpayer and I pay your wages'. At this I remind
her that my patient, my crewmate and I also pay taxes. At this she is a
bit nonplussed, yet still she continues to moan that there is no need for
me to block the road.
In any event, I did need to block the road, I don't do it on purpose, but it
is more important to get to the patient quickly.
This woman's moaning then gets other drivers upset and they start
honking their horns, and the only way I get rid of the woman who was
in such a hurry was to pull the door shut after me and tell her to
imagine her relative in the ambulance...
I didn't hurry treating the patient either.
The same thing has happened on more than one occasion. Now I
simply ask the complainer that if it was them rolling around in agony,
would they like to have to wait while I find a better place to park?
Maybe it's Because I'm a Londoner

Research carried out by the London Ambulance Service for our 'No
Send' policy has shown that 59% of Londoners think that they will get
seen quicker in A&E (Accident and Emergency department) if they
arrive in an ambulance.
This... Is... Not... True...
In fact, if you come to A&E after calling an ambulance for something
minor, the nursing staff will be more inclined to send you out to the
waiting room and forget about you.
I was an A&E nurse for a long time - just trust me on this...
Also, Londoners call for three times the number of ambulances for 'flu
than any other English city. Half the time the patient has got a cold and
not 'flu at all, and just needs to work it out of their system. Even if they
did have 'flu, there is little the hospital could do for them anyway.
Coupled with high population densities, lack of staff and vehicles,
speed bumps everywhere and heavy traffic, is it any wonder we are
having trouble hitting the 8-minute deadline we have to make 75% of
calls in?
Nice New Motors
The London Ambulance Service is giving us poor Ambulance staff
shiny new ambos to drive... well, puke yellow rather than shiny... but
they are new. These are Mercedes Sprinters outfitted in 'EURO RAL
1016 Yellow' which is apparently the most striking colour available and
is used throughout the European Union. They have lots of nice new bits
for us to play with. Most importantly, they have a tail lift so now we
don't need to break our backs lifting some 20-stone lump into the back
of the motor (20stone is 127kilograms for those using 'new money').
I was asked by a friend what I thought of them, and having just finished
my 'Familiarisation Course' (4hours of playing with the new toy) I must
say I do like it. Not only is the engine more responsive when moving
off, but the brakes also work that bit better than our old LDVs (Leyland

Daf vans) and the interior is much more professional looking.
The only real problem I foresee is that the tail-lift needs around 4yards
to unload the trolley and around London this means that we will have
to park in the middle of the road, blocking off other traffic. So, if you
do see one of us blocking your way, please realise that there is no way
we can park the things and be sure of being able to load a patient on
board as well.
These things also cost £105000 each and if we get the slightest scratch
on them they have to be taken off the road and repaired (unlike the ones
we have at the moment where they are beaten up until they stop
working). Since our insurance has a £5000 excess it'll mean a lot more
money going to vehicle maintenance.
Should be fun, but I can't see management ever letting me drive one... I
estimate if I can squeeze through gaps by driving until I hear the
crunch...
While I thought