A Fool and His Money

Fool and His Money, A

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Title: A Fool and His Money
Author: George Barr McCutcheon
Release Date: August, 2004 [EBook #6325] [Yes, we are more than one year ahead of schedule] [This file was first posted on November 26, 2002]
Edition: 10
Language: English
Character set encoding: ASCII
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A FOOL AND HIS MONEY
BY
GEORGE BARR McCUTCHEON

CONTENTS

CHAPTER
I. I MAKE NO EFFORT TO DEFEND MYSELF
II. I DEFEND MY PROPERTY
III. I CONVERSE WITH A MYSTERY
IV. I BECOME AN ANCESTOR
V. I MEET THE FOE AND FALL
VI. I DISCUSS MATRIMONY
VII. I RECEIVE VISITORS
VIII. I RESORT TO DIPLOMACY
IX. I AM INVITED OUT TO DINNER
X. I AGREE TO MEET THE ENEMY
XI. I AM INVITED TO LEND MONEY
XII. I AM INFORMED THAT I AM IN LOVE
XIII. I VISIT AND AM VISITED
XIV. I AM FORCED INTO BEING A HERO
XV. I TRAVERSE THE NIGHT
XVI. I INDULGE IN PLAIN LANGUAGE
XVII. I SEE TO THE BOTTOM OF THINGS
XVIII. I SPEED THE PARTING GUEST
XIX. I BURN A FEW BRIDGES
XX. I CHANGE GARDEN SPOTS
XXI. SHE PROPOSES

ILLUSTRATIONS
In the aperture stood my amazing neighbour ... Frontispiece
I found myself staring as if stupefied at the white figure of a woman who stood in the topmost balcony.
I sat bolt upright and yelled: "Get out!"
We faced each other across the bowl of roses
Up to that moment I had wondered whether I could do it with my left hand

CHAPTER I
I MAKE NO EFFORT TO DEFEND MYSELF
I am quite sure it was my Uncle Rilas who said that I was a fool. If memory serves me well he relieved himself of that conviction in the presence of my mother--whose brother he was--at a time when I was least competent to acknowledge his wisdom and most arrogant in asserting my own. I was a freshman in college: a fact--or condition, perhaps,--which should serve as an excuse for both of us. I possessed another uncle, incidentally, and while I am now convinced that he must have felt as Uncle Rilas did about it, he was one of those who suffer in silence. The nearest he ever got to openly resenting me as a freshman was when he admitted, as if it were a crime, that he too had been in college and knew less when he came out than when he entered. Which was a mild way of putting it, I am sure, considering the fact that he remained there for twenty-three years as a distinguished member of the faculty.
I assume, therefore, that it was Uncle Rilas who orally convicted me, an assumption justified to some extent by putting two and two together after the poor old gentleman was laid away for his long sleep. He had been very emphatic in his belief that a fool and his money are soon parted. Up to the time of his death I had been in no way qualified to dispute this ancient theory. In theory, no doubt, I was the kind of fool he referred to, but in practice I was quite an untried novice. It is very hard for even a fool to part with something he hasn't got. True, I parted with the little I had at college with noteworthy promptness about the middle of each term, but that could hardly have been called a fair test for the adage. Not until Uncle Rilas died and left me all of his money was I able to demonstrate that only dead men and fools part with it. The distinction lies in the capacity for enjoyment while the sensation lasts. Dead men part with it because they have to, fools because they want to.
In any event, Uncle Rilas did not leave me his money until my freshman days were far behind me, wherein lies the solace that he may have outgrown an opinion while I was going through the same process. At twenty-three I confessed